DAY 14: I Do Limits

DAY 14: I Do Limits

Setting limits are very important and a godly attribute. There are two types of limits I want to talk about today. The first is setting limits on others. Now, I say that tongue-in-cheek because it’s impossible to set limits on others. Remember we are not powerful enough to control someone else’s actions. However, we can set limits on our exposure to other people who are behaving poorly. We don’t have to be around people who do not respect who we are and the boundaries we set. There is no Biblical law that says others can treat us poorly and that we must receive it because it makes us seem more spiritual. We can hang out with people who behave poorly but it’s entirely up to us and it should be on a limited basis. The Bible says we are to separate ourselves from people who act in destructive ways. We are not being unloving, we are simply setting boundaries. In fact, we are loving ourselves well!  

Separation allows us to protect and love because we are taking a stand against the things that can potentially destroy. The enemy would love you to believe a lie that you must be around people who treat you unlovingly or even harmfully. He’ll say you are not being kind if you do not allow them in. This is a lie. God does not treat or train His children with abuse. God does not teach kindness by meanness, or love by cruelty.  This is not a picture of a kind Father. We need to be careful who we allow to hang out in our yards, even who we allow to speak into our yards. God does not always set limits for Himself, but He does set standards. He limits His exposure to evil, unrepentant people and so should we.

Communicating boundaries is essential in order to DO HARD THINGS. Successful people know how to do this and they do it well. They don’t have to yell their boundaries or blame someone else (like a spouse) but they can simply say “no” or “not now” and mean it. It’s important for us to use boundary words like “no.” “No” is a boundary word and it communicates a property line. You will know if you are not operating as an adult with boundaries when the person you are setting boundaries for causes you to change your ‘no’ to a ‘yes’. As long as you don’t change your resolve, you have not lost your voice. Part of communicating boundaries is letting others know what they can and cannot do. If they are unwilling to respect your boundaries, they should not have the privilege of being around you.

I know some of you are thinking, “But what if it is my spouse? How do I get away from them! What if they don’t respect my boundaries?” Let me start by saying it’s going to take some time for you to reestablish your boundaries with those closest to you. Remember, it took a long time for you to get to this place. So, take all the time you need to make a change! Simply communicate your boundaries with your words and follow through with your actions. Be as kind as you possibly can be but stay firm.

The second set of limits I want to talk about today is internal limits. We need to have a space inside ourselves where we can have a feeling, an impulse, a desire, without acting it out. We need self-control without repression. Which means, we may have feelings or attitudes that rise up but we have to have space where we can process without damaging ourselves or those around us. We own our feelings and we own our decisions to “not” act on them. We need to be able to say to ourselves, “No” or “No, not now.” Part of spiritual maturity is being able to set personal limits, as in, “No, it’s not the time for that” or “I don’t need to have that right now.” 

Romans 14:12 says we will each give an account for the way we lived our lives. This means every dollar spent, every word spoken, every thought thought and every action done will be evaluated and we will have to answer for it. Now I know this can sound pretty intimidating, especially if we are working on things in our own lives, but be encouraged, the Holy Spirit knows how to help you and He knows where the boundaries need to be set, where the limits need to be drawn, and where the “no’s” need to be said. You can do this!

19 Comments

  1. francis anfuso 3 years ago

    Loved today’s study! So clear and practical. Also, loving the picture quotes. They are profound and so helpful. Great job Havilah! You are saying and doing hard things well.

  2. Georgette Leach 3 years ago

    Both today & yesterdays lessons spoke directly to me and to what is going on. Wow! God is always good & knows exactly what we need! Thanks & have a great day!

  3. Lisa J Wood 3 years ago

    Fantastic! I love how God is our perfect father. It gives me such comfort and guidance as I parent my own three children. Setting limits and boundaries is empowering. Great message! Thank you.

  4. Kandee Mamula 3 years ago

    As you were sharing today, I was remembering something the Lord showed me many years ago that helps me say “No” and “Yes” to others and to myself. When making decisions, I take a few minutes to picture Jesus at the gate of my personal yard and I ask Him about saying “Yes” and allowing that in or saying “No” and not allowing it in. I’ve found that some situations and people are easier to say “No” to and taking the time to do this helps me be confident about both my “No” and “Yes”— even to myself. Thanks for what you shared today. It really ministered to me. God bless you!

  5. Jennifer 3 years ago

    When I have said no to to other people, to them it ment press in on Jennifer harder. And then if I do not give in to the demand I was bamed and abused or blamed and abandond. Humans do not like being told “no”. They certainly do not respect it when I hve said no.

    • Amelia Gaillard 3 years ago

      Jennifer, you may need to find some new friends to surround yourself with.
      Rest assured that it is God’s approval & not their’s that’s important. Bless you as you establish healthy boundaries.

      • Jennifer 3 years ago

        Thanks Amielia. I love My connection with God however sometimes I need genuine loving people with skin on. They are much harder to come by and to keep.

  6. Danna Anderson 3 years ago

    Im so thankful to have come across this study…it’s bringing healing in some much needed places in my heart and soul. I am so grateful we have such a loving and gracious God who can touch those deep pains within our souls and make us New! Bringing freedom and victory in every aspect of who we are in Christ! I love it! I plan to study these tools over and over until they are embedded within my being so I can begin to live my life in God’s victory. Thank you Havilah and God bless you and your family. Lovin it!!!
    Dannabunny

  7. Debbie Lovin 3 years ago

    Havilah how do you set standards and boundaries with your spouse? How do you stop them from coming in your yard with sin without causing a divorce?

  8. Emily 3 years ago

    I have always had a hard time saying “no” But today’s study was really good. Thank you

  9. Lauren 3 years ago

    I have really had to learn and I am still learning how to do this! It’s seems that if you are a stay at home mom to me people think you have nothing to do ha ha! People were always asking me to do things or volunteering me because I had a ton of time! Well news flash to them my time has had to be focused on my children and raising them not what the world wants me to do… I have always been a worker up until four years ago and it was a hard hard transition from woman climbing to the top and being educated and getting the career of her dreams to woman taking care of family! But I know God has me right where I am suppose to be and that sometimes this might feel like it’s not enough but really it is I have to be super mindful of my surroundings and who I’m bringing into my life and where my little kids go and how I talk to them! And how to treat others and if I’m getting my time alone with God so I can be in constant awarness! I’m definitley not perfect and this is one of the hardest assignments God has put me on but I am so blessed to be in a position where I can raise and protect my children! Thank you so much for your realness Havilah I know that living in this world can be a huge distraction to the teachings of being a Christian and I love your simplicity and humbleness! God makes everything much simpler when we do what we know is right!

  10. Monique 3 years ago

    This is good, setting limits on myself and standards for others. I think what has helped me is that in the past I would sometimes feel guilty for setting standards or boundaries on others. But this is great because it is giving me confidence and helping me realize that I was doing the right thing all along. Thanks Havilah!!

  11. Adriana C. Plaiasu 3 years ago

    I had been wondering what Holy Spirit meant when He spoke to me, a couple days ago, through a song “I have drawn the line in the sand and I won’t be ashamed/ afraid… with the world behind me and the cross before, by the grace of God, I will serve the Lord.” I asked God what it meant to draw the line in the sand. Today I am encouraged remembering God hears and answers prayer! Praise God for the way He speaks to you, Havilah. Thank you for having an open heart, mind, eyes and ears to receive, think, hear, and see the work of Holy Spirit in the fresh, pure understanding of Heaven. Thank you for having co-labored with Holy Spirit. You promptly recorded what He showed you and after having read what you recorded I am refreshed and strengthened in, restored and awakened to, the conviction that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day. Thank you so much!

  12. Josette 3 years ago

    Does this apply to your kids? When you ask them to do some chores and I hear at 13, no i dont want to and its a free country. She is giving me her boundry and setting her limit she does not want too. Any comments?

  13. Meredith Lucas 3 years ago

    Wow!! I’m blown away! Just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for this study, it’s absolutely Amazing! God Bless you Havilah!!

  14. Barbie church 3 years ago

    wow God is always on point in what we need and when we need it!!!!! Thank you that was just what I needed! Thank you Papa God❤️

  15. Nola 3 years ago

    Thank you again, Havilah, expressing truths in a simple, digestive manner for folks wanting to know when is it ok to say no and mean it.

  16. Sevan 3 years ago

    Thank you Havilah for doing this study! God is working in my heart to train me to be more teachable and your study is so timely! Your word today on limits and boundaries is much needed. Continue to be blessed as you keep changing lives!

  17. Julie 3 years ago

    Wow, so timely. Thank you xx